Creative Strategies for Conflict Resolution

Conflict is the beginning of consciousness - M.Esther Harding

A conflict is a "disagreement" between two or more people. Conflicts are inevitable and if ignored usually worsen over time.

When assessing conflict we have to ask:

1. Who is involved?

2. How is the conflict personally affecting me?

If a conflict is properly assessed and directed by the stakeholders or a professional mediator a positive outcome will be created.

The best time to begin mediation is at the first sign that two or more stakeholders have reached a major impasse that is left unresolved. Early intervention prevents escalation of the problem.

If the situation was not caught early enough the next best time is a day or two after the first escalation.

Yes, it's OK to become angry during a mediation session. Albeit, everyone has to feel safe within the environment. Speaking your mind is encouraged. However, violence whether verbal nor physical is ever acceptable.

A professional mediator is a 3rd party that directs the conversation between two or more conflicted parties. The role of the mediator is to create a safe environment and find points of agreement. Mediation is solution based for the present and the future.

It is customary for the mediator to to give each stakeholder a typed copy of the agreement for legal review and then meet again to have all parties sign.

Mediation contracts are binding by law. Mediation is normally done in a mutually agreed upon office. If this is inconvenient it can be conducted by way of mediation teleconference,and/or Skype.

Generally there are Five Ways That People Deal With Conflict.

1. Avoiding.

2: Accommodating.

3.Competing.

4. Compromising.

5. Collaborating AKA: Interest Based Mediation.

Lawyers are usually not recommended at the first meeting but can be brought in at any time. Caucus can be used.

Participation is voluntary albeit the contracts are binding.

The Mediator(s) create a safe and power- balanced environment. The process is less restrictive than in the courtroom andthe stakeholders are encouraged to speak their mind.

One of the benefits to mediation is that there's no concern for parties to hold back for fear that statements will be held against them or put on the record.

Through the direction of a skilled Mediator(s) common interests are discovered and the focus shifts from position-based wants to interest-based needs.

This is win-win strategy because it creates mutual respect, mutual interests, shared accountability, and shared decision-making.

Rambo Tactics, Manipulation, and Bullying, are not allowed.

In our opinion, Interest Based Mediation has the best chance of being followed by the stakeholders because both of the parties create the contract together verses having a Judge do it.

The mediator(s) encourages airing of differences and disagreements which induces "creative tension." Belief processes, diversity and cultural differences, are brought to light and discussed.

When people are too scared of saying the wrong thing such as in a courtroom conflicts have little chance of ending in a mutually beneficial resolution. Normally, there is one clear winner and one clear loser and everything is on Public Record.

We help each party to hear what the other party is saying and to understand why he or she feels that way. Through mediation the paradigm shifts from cognitive to cognitive and affective.

Interest-based mediation allows for creativity and innovation.

(Free Management Library: Copyright 1997-2009, Authenticity Consulting, LLC.)

1. Name the conflict, or identify the issue, including what you want that you aren't getting. Consider:

Writing your thoughts down to come to a conclusion.

Talk to someone, including asking them to help you summarize the conflict in 5 sentences or less.

2. Get perspective by discussing the issue with your friend or by putting it down in writing. Consider:

How important is this issue?

Does the issue seem worse because you're tired, angry at something else, etc.?

What's your role in this issue?

3. Pick at least one thing you can do about the conflict.

Identify at least three courses of action.

For each course, write at least three pros and cons.

Select an action - if there is no clear course of action, pick the alternative that will not hurt, or be least hurtful, to yourself and others.

Briefly discuss that course of action with a friend.

4. Then do something.

Wait at least a day before you do anything about the conflict. This gives you

cooling off period.

Then take an action.

Have in your own mind, a date when you will act again if you see no clear improvement.

To Manage a Conflict With Another - "Core Process"

Know what you don't like about yourself, early on in your career. We often don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves.

Write down 5 traits that really bug you when see them in others.Be aware that these traits are your "hot buttons".

Manage yourself. If you and/or the other person are getting heated up, then manage yourself to stay calm by

Speaking to the person as if the other person is not heated up - this can be veryeffective!

Avoid use of the word "you" or "them"- this avoids blaming.

Nod your head to assure them you heard them.

Maintain eye contact with them.

3. Move the discussion to a private area, if possible.

Give the other person time to vent.

Don't interrupt them or judge what they are saying.

5. Verify that you're accurately hearing each other. When they are done speaking.

Ask the other person to let you rephrase (uninterrupted) what you are hearing from them to ensure you are hearing them.

To understand them more, ask open-ended questions. Avoid "why" questions -

those questions often make people feel defensive.

6. Repeat the above step, this time for them to verify that they are hearing you. When you present your position

Use "I", not "you".

Talk in terms of the present as much as possible.

Mention your feelings.

Acknowledge where you disagree and where you agree.

Work the issue, not the person. When they are convinced that you understand them:

Ask "What can we do fix the problem?" They will likely begin to complain again.

Then ask the same question. Focus on actions they can do, too.

If possible, identify at least one action that can be done by one or both of you.

Ask the other person if they will support the action.

If they will not, then ask for a "cooling off period".

10. Thank the person for working with you.

11. If the situation remains a conflict, then:

Conclude if the other person's behavior conflicts with policies and procedures in the workplace and if so, present the issue to your supervisor.

Consider whether to agree to disagree.

Consider seeking a third party to mediate or try:

Learn how to make the Principles part of your normal communication practice and see the benefits they bring to your difficult situations and destructive conflicts.

* The Guide takes you through an explanation of each of the Principles

* It provides you with ways of practicing the Principles and integrating them into your everyday relationships, whether….

o at work with your colleagues, or…

o at home with your partner, your children, your neighbor.

o with anyone, anywhere.

* The Guide will raise your awareness of when you are using the Principles and when you are not, and you will see the positive difference they make in your dealings with others. * As you practice them, your relationships with others will improve.

• You will have less destructive conflicts with others as your communication practices will not ‘fan the flames’. Instead they will support the development of connection, and intimacy, with others. Check it out on his web site:

Alan Sharland has worked, for the past 14 years as a Mediator and Trainer in Conflict Management skills.

His observations, insights and Principles given on his website have been taught to him by the many brave, but determined people who wanted to create ways of resolving their conflicts effectively.

Alan has self-published a successful eBook "Conflict and Communication." He turned defeat into a creative career.

You can download Alan Sharland's Guide here at a 15% discount.

Communication and Conflict eBook Resources.

Click here to view more details

Peace and Conflict studies is a social science field that analysis both violent and non violent behavior. The practitioner studies social conflicts with a view towards understanding those processes which lead to a more desirable human condition.

Social conflict theory is based on Marxist social theory. It argues that the differing social classes, within society have differing amounts of material and non material resources. According to this theory the poor are exploited by the wealthy as in the (wealthy verses the poor).

Did you know that 1 out of 3 people are affected by Domestic Violence? No one suffers more than the kids.

The latest research is showing that possibly 10% are abused men.

CreativityandConflict.com is currently researching creative ways to reach couples that have domestic abuse issues and want help and are not ready to break up. It's hard to end relationships and many factors are involved that people on the outside do not understand. Otherwise, they would never ask the question, "Why doesn't she just leave?" The people that ask this are usually making a judgment rather than asking a question.

At this point and time we do not however, work with clients when domestic abuse is involved and they are still together. We acknowledge that it is a crime and not an illness. We do however, offer referrals within our community of Modesto, CA.

We will add new information and resources as we continue our research on the link below. It is a problem that is growing and it is not going away. We need creative thought and research. Domestic Abuse

References

The following strategies "How to manage yourself"(Free Management Library: Copyright 1997-2009, Authenticity Consulting, LLC.)

"Divorce mediation Theory and Practice" Jay Folberg & Ann Miline. 1988 New York, N.Y. The Guliford Press

The Mediator's Handbook Jennifer E. Beer & Eileen Stief, 1997Candada, National Library of Canada.